Rwanda begins at home: First Lady calls for stronger families
First Lady Jeannette Kagame has warned of shifting attitudes towards marriage among young people, saying fewer are marrying, many are delaying marriage, while commitment to the union is increasingly viewed as optional.
She made the remarks Sunday, Sept. 6, at the Young Leaders Prayer Breakfast organized by the Rwanda Leaders Fellowship under the theme, “Rwanda begins at home: Raising stable families in a complex world.”
The gathering brought together young leaders to reflect on the role of strong families in shaping responsible leadership.
“To the young leaders, attitudes towards marriage itself are shifting. Fewer people are marrying, many are marrying later, or not at all,” she said.
“Commitment is increasingly viewed as an option, or as something to be delayed until every other box is checked, a finished degree, a stable job, a paid-off loan, etc. And by the time all the boxes are checked, sometimes in the waiting, the desire quietly fades.
The First Lady also raised concerns about relationships that remain in prolonged stages without clear commitment.
“There are those stages they call ‘looking,’ ‘talking,’ ‘dating,’ ‘exclusive’ and even ‘open marriage,’ each stage getting vaguer and vaguer than the last and each one able to stretch indefinitely with no obligation attached,” she said.
She also addressed what is commonly described as “situationships,” in which people enter relationships without a clear understanding of their long-term commitment.
The First Lady cautioned against seeking the benefits associated with marriage and family life without accepting the responsibilities that come with them.
“There’s a related nuance worth naming honestly: many want the outcome without the covenant behind it. Some want children, but not the daily, glamorous work of parenting that raising a child actually requires,” she said.
She said spouses and children ultimately bear the consequences when marriage and family life are not approached with the seriousness they require.
The first lady linked the challenges facing marriage to broader concerns about family stability, saying young leaders need to develop not only professional abilities but also the emotional and relational skills required to build healthy homes.
She noted that Rwanda has increasingly entrusted young people with responsibilities in government, the private sector and other areas, but questioned whether enough attention had been given to character, emotions and relationships.
“But could these also be gaps that have been overlooked? Could it be that we have paid attention to intelligence and ability, but have not given enough time to developing our character, emotions and relationships, which are also necessary for someone to become a good leader, whether at home or at work?”
The First Lady urged young leaders to regard family stability as part of their responsibility to the country, saying strong families provide a foundation for future generations.
“Rwanda begins at home,” she said.
She also urged couples to pay attention to everyday habits that can gradually damage relationships, saying relationships often deteriorate through repeated actions rather than a single major incident.
“The silent treatment, the withdrawal, the refusal to engage can be just as weaponised as a harsh word. A home can look peaceful on the outside while underneath that silence is doing real damage to intimacy and trust,” she said.
First Lady Kagame said faith should provide a shared foundation for couples as they navigate disagreements and other challenges.
